just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
