whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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