i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
