I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
