i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
