Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
