wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
