I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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