Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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