So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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