my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
