I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
