I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I will pee on everything he values.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
