How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
