you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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