Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
