Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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