I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
