If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
