And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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