oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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