suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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