Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
