there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
