I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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