omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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