i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
