Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
