playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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