i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
