bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
