I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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