I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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