maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
