So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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