I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
