I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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