I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
