The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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