you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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