I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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