We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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