my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
