is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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