Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
