Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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