Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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