So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
