textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
