we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
