ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
